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Friendzones Filled with Nice Guys & Nice Girls
I was chatting with a friend who (deservedly) was complaining about the “nice guy” syndrome and how it has gotten him stuck in the friend zone with far too many women … and he’s tired of it!
He now firmly believes that women just don’t like nice guys.
And then it struck me … we women go through the same thing but no one ever talks about it. We often get either friend zoned or in many cases outright not chosen because we are the “nice girl”.
If you’re a woman who prefers being nice over naughty, you’ll get noticed for the good girl award, but not nominated for the relationship prize.
What I mean by that is that when we are looked at by men as the “nice girl,” they see us as a woman who’s fun to kick it with; they’ll come to us for advice about other women; and will sometimes even protect us or provide for us here and there, but they rarely choose us as girlfriend or wife.
Now, to be clear, there is a difference between a “nice girl” and a “good girl”.
A nice girl is pleasant to be around, friendly toward others, considerate of people, unwilling to participate in mean-spirited gossip ... she’s someone people consider approachable and reliable.
A good girl on the other hand, is chaise and ready for marriage. She’s nurturing, eager to please and to put others’ desires before her own. She follows a moral code that is often set by society because being agreeable, pleasant and considerate are the qualities that men praise ... and this is her primary goal ... praise, adoration, approval and marriage.
Nice girls, like nice guys, are often the friend you can’t refuse, but not the person you want to marry.
While society deems being friendly, considerate and nurturing the second-most desired traits in women (second only to physical attractiveness), it is equally compared to honesty, morality, and financial success for men.
BUT, it seems that being “nice” is not good enough anymore—you have to be a little nasty (or nicesty as Mz. Jackson would say) to get the prize.
A Life without Safety (another Gwen's Gem)
Emotional safety is something we often neglect to consider when speaking about security and provision.
Emotional safety for me is that gut feeling of security—the feeling that someone sees you and cares enough about you to take action to change a space when you’re not feeling good or safe.
It’s a feeling that you can be vulnerable without fear of harm ... and when trust is not questioned.
It is Predictably. It is Consistency, and a tenderness that shows care and concern and desire—like hugs, snuggling, holding hands, kissing, staring in each other’s eyes.
Safety, for us lovelorn souls … is simply emotional comfort.
Taking risks are necessary for success.
Being patient and giving grace is necessary for ALL relationships (business, social, and personal).
BUT . . . remember this . . . if it costs you your mental health, it’s too expensive to be worth it.
Life is good my lovelies!
HEALING (another Gwen's Gem)
Healing doesn’t have to be done alone ... and in isolation.
When you heal alone, you learn to BE alone. When you heal in the company and assistance of others, you learn how to better coexist with others.
Healing must be done individually AND collectively.
Healing without the company and assistance of the opposite sex (or matching partner gender) we heal from the perspective of protecting our heart FROM a potential partner, rather than WITH a partner.
We begin view relationships with a caution sign and then we build a wall and learn how to “proceed with caution.”
Healing doesn’t have to be alone. It can happen .. or be better ... with others.
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